Q: I heard you wrote a novel.
A: Yes, yes I have. Well, I am. It’s actually a novel in seven parts. I published the first part.
Q: Where can I buy this novel?
A: Well, you can buy it on Amazon right here: Link to Amazon, Age of O Page!
Q: What’s it about?
A: Well, that’s a spring loaded question. It could be answered in many ways. It’s about a man named Gregory Facilovich who has decided to leave his wife and child at the end of the current week. For some time, he has been writing his memoirs, and over this final week he’s making his final edit. He is writing the memoirs for a specific person. Greg also has the ability to drink any amount of alcohol and never get drunk.
Q: Wait, really?
A: Well, yes. Really. For serious.
Q: This sounds boring.
A: Well, that’s technically not a question, but that’s alright. It’s not boring, I assure you. There is some exciting stuff in there. And some funny stuff, too. Some parts could be considered boring, but that’s okay, they’re necessary. Also, he doesn’t tell anyone about his ability.
Q: I don’t care about that part anymore. Did you say this is the first of seven?
A: Well, yes. Over the last two years, I wrote the first four, and am editing and preparing these others for publication. I was going to wait until all seven were done and publish it as one whole book, as I planned it, and then I realized nobody wants to read a thousand page book, period.
Q: Why did you call it The Age of Zero?
A: Well, I didn’t. It’s actually called The Age of O, like the letter, though I could see how you could think it was the title if you had only read it.
Q: Did you just write a book with the narrator being a thinly-veiled version of you?
A: No. Well, I love baseball and alcohol gets me pretty loaded, last time I checked. And my protagonist is thirty and married. I am twenty-four and unmarried, last time I checked.
Q: Did you start this ambitiously big project with no idea where it was really going?
A: Well, no. I know exactly where it’s going and how it’s going to end, and have known since (before) I started. This isn’t Lost or The X-Files. There is a map, and it’s in my pocket at all times.
Q: Why did you write this novel?
A: Well, a fairy spoke to me one day while I was living in a farmhouse, and I wrangled it into this cage and talked with it until it gave me the whole plot. You have to argue with these fairies, show them you’re serious. Also, I decided to write the novel I always wanted to read.
Q: So, I’ve gotten this far in this imaginary interview. What is the book really about?
A: Well, it would be accurate to say that this is my attempt to write The Great American Novel. It’s about experience, pain, reform, education, health, war, marriage, art and America itself. Not too sound heavy.
Q: That sounds really heavy.
A: You’d think so. But, well, at certain parts there may or may not be cowboys, explosions, shootings, poisonings, an Olympiad, holes in the earth, golfing, a wedding, extensive drug abuse and a movie. There also may be none of these things.
Q: So, this is all told in first-person from this characters point of view?
A: Well, large parts of it. The rest of the story is told through third-person documents.
Q: Now, I saw somewhere that this is set in an alternate America. What does that mean exactly?
A: Well, there are a few noticeable differences, but those are largely fictional conceits. This isn’t sci-fi or some wacky Marvel alternate universe or some dystopian zombie infested thrillride. Consider this your current, everyday America, circa 2010.
Q: Is every social institution corrupt or run by unqualified invalids?
A: Well, yes. Laughably so. I mean, really. Look around. C’mon now, let’s be adults.
Q: That cover looks sharp. Who designed it?
A: A toothless trucker I met in Culver City named Harrison Langohr. He runs a magazine called Haz-Mat. He’s an animal. And a lover of fruit baskets.
Q: Who are your influences?
A: Well, I have many influences. When I began this project, I intended to mix themes and ascetics from certain works by Mann, Ford, Camus, Tolstoy and Vonnegut. In large part, those ideas remained intact. That is, if they were beaten in the head with a billy club and fed exclusively aluminum cans and ketamine for a good five months.
Q: When is Tuesday going to be released?
A: Whenever, I darn well please. I imagine Summer 2012 realistically, but promises are meant to be broken. Or is that rules? I am contemplating pairing Wednesday and Thursday into one volume.
Q: You do say “well” a whole lot.
A: Well, I am glad you noticed.
Q: Are you writing anything else?
A: I am in the planning stages for a novel about a fictional baseball league.
Q: Is this book even any good?
A: You can begin gathering data for your subjective opinion by reading the free preview on the Amazon page.
Q: Can I get a free copy of your book?
A: I don’t even get a free copy.