WOMAN: Hello, thanks for meeting me here, I hope it wasn’t too far out of the way.
MAN: No, not at all. Coffee was a great idea. You look great. Did you just come from work?
WOMAN: Um…thanks? Yes, yes…I did.
WOMAN: Right, let’s get started.
MAN: Whoa, you’re got a clipboard? You must be taking this pretty seriously.
WOMAN: Well, I think it’s important to take notes of all the candidates. It helps me remember.
MAN: Well, if I do this right you won’t need any notes to remember me.
WOMAN: Haha, well I suppouse you’re right about that.
WOMAN: So why did you apply for the position?
MAN: Um, well I guess like anyone else, I saw the ad on Craigslist and it just seemed like a good fit, you know.
WOMAN: Sure, sure. I will say, your application stood out, and not just because of the attached image of you posing shirtless.
MAN: Thanks! I feel like we could accomplish something with our time together, maybe make life a little more meaningful.
WOMAN: That’s a profound goal for the position – most people are all business, in-and-out, just showing up for the benefits.
MAN: That’s…understandable. Well, you should know, I’m good at the, you know, business ends of those things anyway, I’m very experienced.
WOMAN: How old you when you found your first position?
MAN: That’s a very forward question.
WOMAN: Doesn’t seem strange to me.
MAN: …I was twelve. It was at the local theater.
WOMAN: That’s quite young. I imagine there would be some laws against that.
MAN: Yeah, you’d think…it had a pretty…profound impact on me.
WOMAN: I imagined it instilled a strong work ethic for future positions?
MAN: Oh yeah. Totally. You could say it became sort of a fixation.
WOMAN: Now that’s the sort of drive we’re interested in!
MAN: There’s others?
WOMAN: Oh yes. We’re a group, it wouldn’t be a one-on-one or assistant job.
MAN: …assistant? Does that mean….?
WOMAN: There’s about a dozen of us all together. It’d be a group thing. We’re all pretty committed.
MAN: Wow! I’ve never held a position with a group that large. That’s incredible you’ve all found each other.
WOMAN: It did take some time. We’re pretty close knit. Some of us even live together.
MAN: That’s hot.
WOMAN: Uhh…sure. Are you interested in the compensation package?
MAN: I mean, I can imagine, there’s only so many variations of…compensation, that’s a strange way to phrase it.
WOMAN: What would you call it?
MAN: Uhh…benefits? I dunno. I guess I never thought about it.
WOMAN: Well the hours are between 12 and 4. You’re free to use the break room and the staff fridge before and after you’re shift.
MAN: You’ve got it all organized into shifts?
WOMAN: Oh yeah, people come on, people come off, it’s all very organized.
WOMAN: Yeah…sometimes people bring their kids in.
WOMAN: Oh yeah. It’s no big deal. Have you never experienced something like that before?
MAN: Uhh no…that’s pretty out there I have to say.
WOMAN: Oh well, that’s odd you’ve never seen that. I was exposed to my parent’s positions at the office quite often.
MAN: I guess I’d try anything once.
WOMAN: That’s great. You get more comfortable with the kids the more you do it. Anyway, like I said we’re kind of one big family. Though you’ll be new and still being trained,
MAN: What are training me on? I think I’ll manage.
WOMAN: There’s a fair amount of improvisation, but there are some strange things, some strange messes basically, that you’ll have to clean up that might surprise you.
MAN: Wow. I guess that’s cool. This is pretty out there.
WOMAN: The position does seem weird but you’ll get used to it fast. We all did. Pretty soon it’ll just become the daily chore.
WOMAN: Yeah, so anyway, we’ll train you but don’t be surprised if someone expects you to just jump in there.
WOMAN: Yeah…sure. So would you like to accept the position?
WOMAN: What are you doing?
MAN: Why don’t we get a room and start training there.
WOMAN: Oh sure, but just let go of my hand first. That was…odd. I do have a boyfriend, so let’s keep this professional and contain it to the office. You know how it can seep into your personal life.
MAN: Yeah, I know.
WOMAN: I have some training materials and some exercises we can do in the car, this is just perfect.
MAN: Do you have lube?
WOMAN: …whatever for?