What Sucks, What Doesn’t Suck – May 2010

The Sports

Eric Byrnes sucks and should die in a field somewhere (and it looks like he will.) Cliff Lee is awesome but his agent sucks. Milton Bradley sucks. Gutierrez sucks at batting. Jason Heyward, I like. Joe Mauers foot sucks. Mike Sweeney sucks at not hugging. Ichiro is a goofy bitch. Wakamatsu makes me want to throw a tire iron at my tv (as in a computer screen.) On that note, MLBTV is great, if you have a great computer. Orlando Magic suck and I now suddenly hate them for no apparent reason, Joey Crawford sucks, David Stern sucks, Mark Cuban is walking on a balance beam between awesome and death, the second round starting before the first is over sounds like a nightmare, the Spurs suck (the penises of the referees, possibly at halftime and during tv timeouts and of course before the game.) Brandon Jennings still seems like he doesn’t suck, Melo sucks, Lebron James entourage/PR machine falls into the I-don’t-really-give-a-shit realm but that kind of means it sucks doesn’t it?

The Arts

MIA sucks so much I want to throw her down a flight of stairs, that stupid hypocrite, naive hack-artist. I got a minute into her new music video for that noise-crap song and turned it off. Terrible. Just fucking terrible beyond words. New Hold Steady sucks. New BSS sucks. New Murder By Death is sweet. New Jurado sounds sweet. New Callahan live record is great. Old Sunny Day Real Estate is good. Das Racist is fantastic (Combination Pizza Hut Taco Bell.) King Lear is great. Seven Samurai is the best. Shakespeare in Love is okay. We Live in Public was interesting. David Sedaris should try fiction. Graham Greene is number one stunna.

Stuff that Matters(ed)

Arizona clearly sucks, Arizona Iced Tea is cool, Adrian Gonzalez is cool, Google sucks, Facebook sucks bags of dicks on a minute by minute basis, Iceland is the knees, buying plane tickets sucks. Not having a ps3 sucks. Working full-time while working on a novel sucks. Netflix is cool.

Current Nation Standings

1.China

2. Russia

3. The United States of America

4. Brazil (Health Minister)

T-5. Iceland

T-5. Arizona

Bottom Five Places as of News

1. Queens

2. Queens

3. Kryzgstan

4. Iceland

5.  Arizona

Individual Standings

1. Mitch McConnell

2.  Jack Nicholson

3. Jan Brewer

4. Julian Inclan

5. Ray Odierno

All standings formulated through precise data collated from winning qoutient over last thirty days, collated and divided by the cosine of winning quotient from lifetime.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s